Siddhartha Tongaonkar
on 04 December, 2013

Applied Sarcasmatics


NOTE: This article is only for the intellectually genius. And those who hate maths.

Ram is real. Just as the air you breathe, or the sandwich you don’t make. Ram is asleep at the moment. It's square-root-of-16 o’clock in the morning. The alarm is set for 36/6 AM. It goes off, screaming random derivative formulas. To make it stop, the poor guy has to complete the formula before the clock does. He gets it right on the 15th try. Ram is now fully awake. And pissed off. 

Dear readers, Maths is important. So very important. Especially engineering Maths. Or “Applied Mathematics”. We may not know how to balance a checkbook, calculate basic taxes, or simple interest. But we surely can integrate any equation. (Even if the printed question is wrong.) We can find the Laplace transform of a shoelace, if it were to be asked for enough marks. We may not be able to calculate the days remaining for our parents wedding anniversary, but we surely can belt out the Fourier series in a perfect soprano.

Ram. After the exhausted bout with the alarm clock, he turned to the bathroom. Sigh. Business as usual in there. He came out looking exhausted. Where’s his phone? He had to trace a graph for a complex equation to unlock it. He got that right when he skipped the lock code and answered his security question. Damn.

It was a Maths-biased society. You could score hot girls if you were good at solving calculus. The local supermarket offered you more discount on onions. You got petrol for free if you could prove theorems. It didn’t matter if you weren’t skilled at the job or you had no people skills or even an ounce of self confidence, you’d get the 7 figure salary. It didn’t matter if you reeked of Axe deos, or your toothpaste had salt in it. You were a master when you saw that little ‘dx’ in an equation.

Life became simple. Like a music video. That little engineering tag was just that - a tag. After those four years of slogging, people said life would be heaven. And guess what? It did! Look around your family. All those engineers, all those people good at calculus. Everyone, happy with their jobs. Content. Satisfied. Those people want nothing. They crave nothing. Right? Life is simple for them. Like a music video. Life is Legen..Wait for it.

Image Courtesy - Cynaide & Happiness


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Siddhartha Tongaonkar


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