It is placement season in colleges. Well, honestly, we have vacations right now, and placements are two months later. Still, it’s true that the third year of engineering has wound to an end, and I am a B.E. now. Oh dear God, I am a B.E. now. It is hard to grasp that, and in fact, I don’t want to grasp it! I was better off being a wide-eyed what-the-hell-is-going-on F.E., a sensible now-I-know-how-the-system-works S.E. and a crazy yea-whatever! T.E.; how do I now make the transition to mature and wise I-know-where-my-life-is-going B.E.? How do I do that, when in fact, I have absolutely no idea where my life is going?

I turn twenty in a few days, which means I’ll be officially out of my teens soon. Teenage years are about making mistakes, learning from them, making some more mistakes and learning some more. But the twenties? That is when your family expects you to grow up, stop fooling around and take a hold of your life. They expect you to know what you are doing and why you are doing it. But how many of us can really say- at the age of twenty- that yes, I am hundred percent sure of what I want to do with my life? Very few, I guess, and to those few, I say- congrats, guys, good for you! But me? I am like the rest of the clueless lot, still just going with the flow, stuck in the inertia of life, letting things unfold the way they are supposed to. I know I am talking in circles, but the idea of turning twenty is intimidating, and I am not sure what exactly is going on in my head.

When I talk to my dad about how people today pursue their dreams no matter how crazy they maybe- like dropping out of college and starting up a business, or quitting a well-paying job in their forties and becoming a chef (these are just random examples) - my dad tells me that I am lucky to be free to realize my dream because I have the means (financial and family support) for it. When he was my age, no one asked him, “Beta, what are you interested in? What do you want to make a career out of?” It wasn’t about pursuing your interests then; hell, dad didn’t even spend ten minutes on thinking over his career choices. For then, it was more about finding a job that paid enough to support his family of five brothers, four sisters and one very old mother.

All said and done, I can't help wishing I could go back to being a kid...life was so much simpler then! The only decisions to be made then were what pictures to draw and what colors to use to fill them in! I guess I am coming off as a hundred year old lady! But it's true- everyone misses their childhood, especially at my age, when it is all about snap, snap, snap, making decisions, and people are barraging you with questions like 'What do you want to do with your life?' left, right, and center.

I wonder, in ten years time, when we know exactly what our lives have become, would we still want to rewind it all and start afresh? And when we hear the lines "Give me some sunshine, give me some rain, give me another chance, I wanna grow up once again" on the radio, would that always bring a sad smile to our lips? Food for thought, I guess.

*Image courtesy : Screenshot from '3 Idiots'.