You are standing in a large auditorium at a convention and there are hundreds of men and women you have never met in your life. There is a 10 minute break after a particular lecture and there is only one exit which is already stuffed with people rushing towards the washroom. You resume fiddling with your phone only to realise that your battery is drained out (so, you start pretending to fix it?). Does every minute seem like an hour to you now? Do you avoid making eye contact with people to avoid “small talk”? Do you turn white with anxiety when a strange person smiles and moves towards you? (Okay, I was exaggerating the last bit)

Or maybe, you are at a party and a group of people are having conversation about a gadget one of them brought and you nod at yourself in your head and say, “That lady’s got it all wrong.” Yet, you don’t open your mouth and turn to play with the house cat instead.

Fine… maybe, you don’t get invited to parties that often. Watched an embarrassing moment on TV and ended up being more embarrassed than the protagonist himself? Or, have you spent days holed up in your room watching back-to-back episodes of a popular television program without noticing that your phone hasn’t rung in a while now? Or, do you tend to be more verbose than the Bard himself when chatting with your crush online but are as quite as a mouse when you come face-to-face?

Sounds familiar? Welcome! You are not alone. You may think to yourself that Social Awkwardness maybe a disease that you will die of but you’ll be surprised to know that a lot of socially awkward people survive. They may even end up ruling the world! You thought that you’ll have to live with that curse for life but you don’t. If you know how to crack complex mathematical equations, surely decoding people should be a cakewalk, right? 

(you, yes.. you! Stop nodding your head) 

Engineers are notorious for their social awkwardness. As an engineer who shifted careers to a completely non-technical field, I can vouch for that. During my graduation years, I was pretty decent within my social circles and during the best of my days formidable even. However, it was different when I started mingling with the non-engineering crowd. Engineers have a particular way of communication. We tend to unite in our social awkwardness and it hardly seems like a problem when you are with fellow engineers. (I’m NOT saying that ALL engineers are socially awkward. You are lucky if you aren’t) But we have peculiarities that people from other streams don’t get.

After four years of education at the same university, we form close bonds and friendships. We find our comfort zone; others who sync with our social awkwardness levels. Graduation opens us up to the rest of the world. We may wind up working at different companies in a variety of fields where we don’t have the luxury of a known face. We may be a part of multi-faceted teams at work. Effective communication is of key importance at the professional level. Often, people fail to communicate certain problems encountered that need to be addressed to other colleagues or seniors that may not relate to your expertise and it can escalate to unwanted proportions. In this fast-paced 21st century, where competition is as sharp as the edge of a newly sharpened sword, networking becomes critical to success.

You may not transform into a social butterfly overnight but you can avoid feeling socially ostracised at your new workplace/college where a first impression is a make-or-break deal, if you keep in mind a few pointers given below: (These are tried and tested means and not copy-pasted from a self-help book. Don’t worry about its authenticity)

1. Smile:
People pick up on non-verbal cues very easily. Be relaxed. Think that the world is your oyster or think that you are walking in a garden or whatever works. Don’t smile too much as you don’t want others to think you are a mental asylum escapee. Just a little bit. You can stick around in the shower for a minute or two longer and practise. Smile just a little. They will perceive you to be an approachable person.

2. Ask Questions:
You are new to this place. Make it a point that people know that when they first talk to you. People are friendlier to new entrants as they are yet to form judgements. Ask questions about the place, procedures or formalities and that can lead into a full-fledged conversation. Don’t ask them about the nitty-gritties as you don’t want the conversation to be too long.

Ask basic questions about them like which city they are from or how long have they been here etc., if you want to know them as friends. Keep it simple.

3. Listen:
When others talk to you, try to listen and remember as much as they say. If you happen to overhear a conversation in the corridor then make eye contact and suggest some helpful information that can add to the conversation. That can be a bit tricky, I admit. You can always bring it up later when you talk to them one-on-one and then pursue a conversation.

4. Talk about Common Interests/Current Affairs:
Lunch hours are always busy at a cafeteria and you may end up sharing a table with unknown people. You can introduce yourself to others. People are generally more relaxed during meal times so making conversation is relatively easy. Mention a recent development that happened in the office (like the new water coolers or the dysfunctional coffee machines). Colleagues are united in distress universally.

You can talk about the big game that happened the day before if they happen to be interested in sports. Just mention it in passing. They will add to the conversation if they are interested. If you get mono-syllabic answers, back-off.

Many resort to gossip and grape-vine but again, it’s a tricky territory. Keep it simple.

5. Speak in a Comfortable Language
India probably has more English-speaking population than England itself. But that does not mean everyone is comfortable talking in English. If you feel at home talking in Hindi, don’t hesitate. The point is that you have to communicate effectively. You need to be understood. No one really cares which language you are talking in as long as you sound confident speaking it.

6. REEELAX
You need to relax. If you think of it as a problem, it will continue to be a problem. If you are stressed and uptight, it will reflect in your body language. People tend to mirror others’ body language and your mood can be infectious. If you are relaxed, then the opposite person will be relaxed. If you are on the defence, so will they. No one is obligated here. This is NOT an exam! Take a deep breath. Again remember, the world is your oyster. Don’t take yourself too seriously.

7. Find the Others:
You won’t have to talk about the weather or football. You won’t have to fake smile. There will be others who will be as happy as you discussing the benefits of tea over coffee or sharing funny cat stories or talking about absolutely inappropriate stuff in the lift to embarrass other people.

The thing is you have to find Them. Keep your eyes open and listen carefully. Be ready to step out of your comfort zone. You don’t have a choice now. Jump into the pool. You’ll learn to swim. It’s natural to us. It’s survival instinct.

Accept it! You are Socially Awkward and it’s not the end of the world.