on 11 August, 2013
Edge Of The Cliff
Maybe by talking about things that may be a little dark or more on the negative side of our existence, by dealing with them, maybe that’s where I find my happiness
- Eddie Vedder
I sat frozen in front of my laptop screen, my heart racing at a tachycardic rate. Failure held its vice grip firmly over my future. Everything seemed murky for a moment. The PDF file displayed my abysmal performance in my exams. I had miserably failed my semester exams and had got a YD-in the educational terminology a Year Drop. In India, the thinking is that there is no hope for you if you flunk an exam. Well played society!
As if my result was the only katana hovering over my head! I was stuck in quandary. Two months ago, I had probably the worst break up, I mean dumping ever. I was still not over the fact and I could not feel anything for anyone else. I jockeyed myself in believing that everything was all rainbows and sunshine. I had lost hope, faith and whatever is needed to make life worthwhile. No! No! That’s not it. When shit happens, it happens in copious amounts. Figuratively speaking! My chimerical dreams of bringing about a change in the society were ridiculed as always. I was constantly reminded by people that an academic failure and someone who believes formal education is a scam should focus on realistic career options than going about helping people when he himself is in a fix. Ultimate mind-f*ck! Believe me people, absolutely no amount of alcohol or stoning yourself helps you fight reality.
I was in a deranged perilous mental state when I had decided to end my life. Yes, the gift of life which I was about to throw away. There was a very picturesque mountain near my house often scaled by eager trekkers hungry for some adrenaline rush. I reached the top wearily climbing a flight of stairs. People eyed me with amazement which was not flummoxing. A soiled shirt, a trippy grimace, the walk of shame coupled with the facial fuzz and my overgrown hair. I was like a disgruntled hippie. I gazed panoramically at the surroundings. It was simply astounding and only an a**hole like me could think of quitting there! There was lot of crowd, some parents engaged in playing with their kids, some cheesy couples canoodling each other and blah blah!
I was just tiresomely plodding my way to the edge of the cliff where I wanted to get it over it. I enjoyed the cool breeze with the thought of this experience being my last. I contemplated my boring life. Suddenly I encountered a phantasmagoria in front of eyes as if a hologram was projected from nowhere. I palely smiled and lit my last Classic at the corner of the cliff. Blew a few smoke rings and chuckled a little.
Just when I was about to leap, I sensed a gingerly pat on my back. I turned around to see an innocent little boy who was now holding my shirt. "Please don’t jump bhaiyya. Mummy ka kya hogga?" He smiled a little, innocence filled in his eyes oblivious to and sprinted away to his mother and embraced her as if she met him after a millennium. What came out of his mouth numbed me totally. Abruptly, it started pouring heavily as if God was touched by those heart-wrenching words. Regardless of the downpour, I stood there frozen like a lifeless rock. I retracted my steps and just sat calmly on the ground. Amidst the heavy torrential rains and gushing wind, my tears intermingled with God’s. I could hear a clamorous uproar of emotions within me. I just imagined the state of my folks. The same hands which held mine and taught me to walk would carry my soulless body. They would trick themselves into believing that their kid would resurrect and return back someday. I was throwing my loved ones into a labyrinth of misery. I came to my senses that life is beyond pain, misery and suffering. Finally the depressed smog had cleared itself.
Filled with optimism, I was a changed man. So, sorry for bugging the hell out of your young restless minds but dear ladies and their brothers, this was THE story of my life. If not for that little kid’s innocence, I would have been history. It was an honor to speak to you this evening and share my success story OR rather I should say a failure story with the brightest and most innovative minds of urban India. Just remember, your life has a purpose-benefiting lives and changing minds. If you are deep down sinking, remember it is not the end. I did jump from that cliff that day. I jumped from a gravely miserable state to a state where I had an opportunity to work on myself. Give hope an opportunity, love a chance and life a little push. To become this so called millionaire that I am touted to be, I had to face life. It wasn’t an overnight cakewalked jackpot.
I conclude quoting Einstein that "Only a life lived for others is a life lived worthwhile"
Cheers and have a great life ahead!
Image Credits - liveuptofullest blogspot
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