Engineering is all about fun and frolic in 4 years. LOL JK! It’s sort of a society accepted sanyaas  from the sins and joys of life. You don’t have a social life due to which your grandchildren suffer. They  do not have your happening stories to listen to at bedtime. Okay, that may have been downright cruel. Aww sorry for the reality! Anyway, you future grannies and grandpas can surely tell your little ones some short facts if not lengthy stories involving muggles, fat-ass monsters and pixies. Presenting some hilarious statements that you come across in Engineering through question papers, textbooks or social chats. Let’s roll!

HENCE PROVED

This statement is the Parliament of the Technical world. Delivering false promises of proving and accomplishing tasks but just goofing around and saying DONE! At the end. Numerical questions having this criteria are free 10 marks given to frustrated kids. For someone who is not upright when it comes to survival, writes some random shit, be it 1/100000^th of an Ashutosh Gowarikar movie and at the end, boxes Hence Proved so neatly, it would shame cleanliness.

WE KNOW THAT

This cracks me up whenever I write this. It is like we are doing a favor on our false notion that everyone knows the content we are writing. No, we don’t know it guys and ladies! While stating a formula of some Fourier transform or some Laplacian equation or some complex Robotics Tool Configuration Vector we shamelessly write ‘We know that’. They are not asking a fact like- Is Rahul Gandhi a dedicated nutcase? or Where does the goddamn sun rise? Write ‘I luckily know this because my cache memory freaking clicked right now’

WE ASSUME

Hypothesis is a beautifully surreal word. It makes us do crazy things! So adorable. When the whole paper is answered on logic and assumptions, why write we assume only “wherever necessary”. Why not use programming concept of brace brackets ( {} )  Write WE ASSUME at the top of the first page, start opening brace ( { ) and at the end of the 32^nd page, close the brace ( } ). Creative huh?? HAHA or maybe just arrogant!

STUDENTS EXPECTED TO SOLVE THEMSELVES

Students-LOL. Teachers-LOL. Parents-LOL. Your building watchman-LOL. Easy Solutions-LOL. Believe me, I came across this statement in I guess, if my eidetic memory is to believed, Applied Mathematics-IV by G.V. Kumbhojkar. Kumbs please! Even you know expectation from an Engineering student results in scarring disappointment. Y u do this sir? We rely on Easy Solutions, readymade notes, high speed internet connection and Godrej frozen foods for survival. Expecting us to do something on our own is even more ridiculous than having the notion of Advani calling it quits from Politics.   

MAINE KUCH NAHI PADHA

This is said by the same guy who says ‘I don’t watch porn. I don’t indulge in alcohol and tobacco. I am a saint who was born when goodness and evil joined hands for maintaining universal balance’. Denial is in his blood. With an idiotic smirk and a report card which shows 80+ aggregate, this chump is hated by many for being unnecessarily covert and hiding their studying details. We aint asking your Internet history guys, just how much you studied out of human curiosity.

AGLI SEM SE PADHUNGA

Now see, if you aim at a politically flourishing career, this profession grooms you like none other. You learn the act of lying not only to your peers, society and university but also to yourself and later laugh about it.  How politicians proclaim ki ‘Bas vote karo. Agle baar sab de denge’ , we tell our conscience the same-‘Bas ye baar casually liya. Agle sem se full serious’. We say this at the end of every semester and when we really are upbeat about implementing it, sem VIII arises. Calendar says LOL.

I am sure our grandkids will be like, Whaaaa FCUK this! We’ll take..SCIENCE BITCH!