Aniket Bhave
on 23 August, 2013

Horrendous Mumbai University Paper Checking Exposed. Students Can No More Fake Answers


The paper checking staff of the popular Mumbai University, famous for its declining education standards, has been reported to have approached the Parliament for harassment issues. A couple of days ago it was reported that the staff was told by the Chancellor to check each and every answer paper meticulously and not just work as formality. A paper checker says, “How the hell they expect us to check the papers seriously? I mean where is the seriousness about the declining educational standard?”

The chancellor, apparently, is now disdained by the whole university and there is a unanimous verdict of chucking him off the post. The chancellor is in no mood to resign and has approached the media to throw light on the conspicuous injustice and has requested help. Stupidsid's secret agent contacted him stealthily. Interesting excerpts from the same:

1. A Computer Science paper had a question - ‘Name any four Logic Gates’. The student had written AND, OR, XOR and BILL. He got full marks. The Chancellor stated that this is not the worst he spotted.

2. A final year Chemical Engineering student wrote the script of the popular TV series ‘Breaking Bad’ in a Chemical Equations paper. His report card showed 98/100 in the subject. Hurray for methamphetamine huh?

A fatigued paper checker indulging in his siesta after checking 2 pages. On an average he takes about 260 snooze breaks.

3. An Electronics student had drawn a picture of a Pole Dancer in the question ‘Write a note on dipoles and draw the diagram’. The Chancellor said, “Well, this is offly gross but the forensics team, I hired, found some rather disturbing residues on the answer sheets. Strict action would be taken for such crass behavior”.

4. First year students were not at all serious in their answers. Questions to acoustics had lyrics of a Nirvana Song. Mechanics paper had answers like ‘Tera baap paise dega?’ to word problems like - ‘build a dam with all good quality components and state forces required to keep it in equilibrium’. The programming paper had all sorts of games illustrated. No student was failed. Everybody passed with flying colors.

5. A mechanical student drew a ghagra clad Malaika Arora Khan dancing and wrote the lyrics of Chaiyya Chaiyya to the question ‘Explain the working of a steam engine and state fuel combustion system’. He, NOT SO surprisingly, got 11/10 in that question.

6. The whole batch of Third Year IT students collapsed, like the economy of the country, in a paper called ‘Accounting and E-Audit’. Manmohan Singh called the chancellor and was heard sobbing profusely. We had to say, theek hai!

7. A Networking paper of the Computer branch had a diagram of the Bandra-Worli Sea link for the question - ‘Explain bridges’. Though the illustration was stellar as far as art is concerned, it is no way connected to networking bridges.

The Chancellor says this is not even a percent of what blunders are existing. Our reporter sympathized with the Chancellor and while chatting with him over a few pegs of country liquor, the hammered gentleman slyly confessed that he had used engineering drawing sheets to cover the leakages in the ceiling and had made conical hats for his kids’ birthday party. He added that some checkers go to the extent of tearing assignments pages to make paper boats which satiates the inner child in them. He said he was dismayed at the way engineering files were tossed from the ground floor to the terrace and then to the smiling raddiwala. Turns out, the Chancellor isn’t a saint but the paper checking he pointed out is sure to create a stir in the media. Only time will tell what happens next.

 

Disclaimer - This is a highly exaggerated post drenched in travesty. None of the above mentioned incidents have actually occurred. But yes, the University is definitely callous as far as a student is concerned. This post is not aimed at tarnishing the image of any university or specific person but humorously pointing out the flaws in its system. If you still want to come behind me, I've already filed for  a bail.

Image Credits - brainsnorts,wordpress.com


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